Dedicated to Laurie Grayson
Submitted by Steve
My job stinks. Literally.
You see, I work for J&T Septic here in rural western Colorado, so everyday, I deal with things that most folks don’t even want to think about.
Now the life of a septic man is not what I dreamed of being as a kid, but I don’t think the Denver Broncos are looking for a short, bald, 43 year old high school drop-out as their next starting quarterback. Maybe it’s not the best job in the world, but it pays the bills, and it does have it’s moments.
Like the time the Reynolds’ family over there on D Road called me about a sewage back-up problem. After snaking the line, and after about two hours of digging, I found the culprit….a barbie doll that had been flushed and had somehow made it through forty feet of pipe before clogging the line.
Going inside the home, I could tell Mr. Reynolds was ticked off.
“What was the problem?” He demanded.
Turning his scornful glare upon his frightened six year old daughter Macy, he shouted, “If you flushed another doll, there is going to be hell to pay!”
I glanced at Macy, who even though scared, still had to be the cutest and sweetest little girl in town.
“Just some old tree roots Mr. Reynolds.” I told him, winking at Macy. This would be our little secret.
Another time, I was called to a house to fetch a mouth retainer that had been flushed by a twelve year old boy who didn’t want to wear it anymore. After I gave the dirty piece back to the mom, she washed it off in the sink and told her son to wear it.
“That’s gross! I’m not puting that in my mouth!” he replied.
She told him that it was perfectly clean now. He looked at the retainer, then at his mother, “Then you put it in your mouth first.”
He got a new retainer.
Yes the job involves long hours and awful smells, but I have something that keeps me going: Laurie.
I don’t know why she married a goofy looking guy like me with little prospects, and I don’t know why she stays with a dumb old septic man like me…but she does. I certainly don’t deserve such a beautiful and caring wife as Laurie, but let’s keep that our little secret.
The fact is, Laurie deserves a trip to Hawaii, for a whole lot of reasons. For putting up with sewage smell every time I get home. For putting up with a man whose idea of romance involves a night at the all-you-can-eat-rib joint. Mainly though, for putting up with me.
I ain’t no writer, and I know my odds of winning this trip aren’t real great, but in a way, I really don’t need to go to Hawaii. Laurie Grayson of Grand Junction, Colorado loves me.
I’ve already won.