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A Perfect Memory Dedicated to Sls Submitted by Tracey My great-grandfather was Hawaiian. Hawaiian and Portuguese. He had a calmness about him, an air of contentment I'd always admired. I roll over in bed to tell you this, but the silence between us is too thick. Instead, I lie and listen to the wind creaking through cedars, promising another arthritic Pacific Northwest rain. We had been talking about our families, old friends, old loves, and I confided in you how restless I can be, with a wanderlust that has destroyed many relationships. You became saddened, worried that I will leave. Misunderstanding, you asked what you could do to keep me. Of course there is no way tell you that I wish you could read my mind, anticipate my every need, be close when I want you to be and give me space when I require it. Like an inquisitive puppy, I need a loving home and a long leash. But I also don't tell you how peaceful I feel beside you, like something wild inside me has finally been tamed. I think back to the first morning I woke up next to you, your body still new to me, yet somehow oddly familiar. For the first time in my life, I wanted to slow down and hold on to every day. Maybe, after all this time, I'd finally found my soul mate, or maybe I'd just learned to appreciate the gifts of life and love. I am dreaming of lying with you on a beach in Hawaii, the sun toasting us golden brown, timeless sand beneath us. The millions of years the sand has existed seems but a moment compared to how long it feels I have known you. In my dream, you put your arm around me and pull me toward you. I clasp your hand and hold it to my heart. We fall asleep to a gentle breeze rustling the palm trees, a sharp contrast to the cold winds back home. Don't be afraid of what you are not, my love. It is not nearly as important to me as what you are. Understand that I need more than what one person can give. Not in a lover, but in being, in living, I yearn for connection. I have no doubt my desire to reinvent myself will rear its head again, but I have faith that whatever the next dream I follow, you will be right there beside me, just as it feels you have always been near, waiting for me to find you. I awake now to the sound of rain. In your sleep you've wrapped your arm around me, your hand over my heart. My great-grandfather had the kindest eyes I have ever seen. They were the color of coffee, full of exotic places, wisdom, and patience. You complete me like a perfect memory, I tell you now, a memory as clear as the vision of a long-gone relative, as eternal as the sand on a Hawaiian beach.
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