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Dedicated to my handsome husband Lee
Submitted by Candy
As I sit here remembering over the past 10 years, it seems strange that 10 years has gone by. Even stranger is that we have survived the roller coaster of life. It feels like only yesterday that I was walking down the aisle in my beautiful wedding gown. Walking towards my handsome husband, Lee. Walking toward my bright, blissful life.
I still recall our honeymoon to the exotic island of Hawaii -- the sunsets over the ocean and the way the palm trees swayed in the breeze. The memories are forever etched in my mind.
But I also felt rushed. We tried to squeeze as much as we could into those three days. We felt like we'd missed some things and vowed to come back again. Maybe on our 10th anniversary.
Well, as our marriage went on, I started to wonder if we would make it to 10 years. After our beautiful wedding and exciting trip to Hawaii, it was time to settle down into real life. My illusions of love and romance were shattered before my eyes. Lee and I seemed to fight all the time. I often wondered if it was worth going on. But then I would remember why I married him in the first place -- that always pulled me through.
After a year and a half of marriage, I had our son Michael. He is the spitting image of his dad and the light of my life. The stress eased some from the marriage, but I still didn't feel Lee loved me. I didn't feel connected to him.
Three years later I had my daughter, Melanie. She looks like her dad too and is the apple of my eye. From that moment on, everything I did was for my kids. Lee, who has always been a good provider, worked side jobs, making me feel alone. It was always me and the kids. But I kept trying to make it work -- for the kids.
A turning point came when we moved to Michigan. Lee got a really good job and didn't have to work so much. That left time for me and the kids. I started to feel my insecurities ebbing and my heart opening. I started to feel that he really did love me. But, again, time would turn my happiness into sorrow.
This time, I didn't think I'd make it. This time, I wouldn't have the strength to go on. The darkest, loneliest day of my life was the day I gave birth to our daughter, Megan. For her birth was also her death. Overcome with grief and guilt, I didn't have the strength to go on. I had nothing left to give to our marriage.
But the tide turned and Lee was the one fighting to hold on to our marriage. He didn't give up on me, when I had given up on myself. May is our 10th anniversary and we would love to be in Hawaii to celebrate it.